No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
