For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
