they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
