the new term for farting is butt boxing.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
