We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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