We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
