This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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