You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
