At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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