someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
