You made me cry and you don't even care
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
