I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
