You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He shit in the fireplace
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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