It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
