I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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