There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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