i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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