So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
