you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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