Buhtt sex?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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