yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hell yes lets make some ravioli
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
