You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
