I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
