Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
