College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
