I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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