I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
