a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
