i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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