Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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