Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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