My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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