I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
