when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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