margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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