Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
