My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
