I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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