i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
