i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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