i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
