Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
