I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
