I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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