I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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