I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
