matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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