That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
