seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
