dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
