porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
