don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
