but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
