the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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